Why I Don’t Post About Hillary As Much On Facebook

This keeps coming up. “Why do you post so much on Facebook about how bad Trump is, but barely ever talk about Hillary, huh? What, are you ‘with her,’ you blind, liberal zombie???”

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But you get it.

I do post quite a bit against Trump, and I understand how, having been conditioned our entire lives by a pretty strict two-party system, it can be easy to jump to the assumption that the condemnation of one candidate is somehow an endorsement of the other. But I would ask you to look again. If you scroll back through my Facebook page, you can read every post, every comment, every link I’ve ever posted against Donald Trump. Among  them, there is not one Clinton endorsement to be found. In fact, on multiple occasions, you’ll find me expressing distaste for Clinton, calling her corrupt, and communicating the specific sentiment that she does not have and has never had my vote. I invite you to test this claim if you don’t feel like taking my word, but I think most of you reading this already understand that. Your frustration likely lies elsewhere.

“Why overlook her wrongdoings? Why not take her to task as you have Trump?” This is a completely valid inquiry, and I believe it stems from my own failure to be clear about my specific intentions in posting what I post. I’ll explain: see, when I post things to Facebook, those things will be viewed by a very specific audience. Specifically, the people on my Facebook friends list. Now, among these particular people, there exists a trend that is, to put it lightly, troubling. A great deal of those who would see my posts are professing evangelical Christians who regularly twist, pervert, and often simply ignore many basic and obvious tenets of the faith they claim to hold in order to make the claim that support for Donald Trump is consistent with the Christian faith. It is not. It is observably, demonstrably, and obviously not. To claim otherwise is to utterly dismiss Christ and everything He taught. This is what drives my posts.

So again, why not level the same criticism at Hillary supporters claiming their Christian faith as their reason for supporting her? The answer is honestly very simple: on my Facebook friends list, among the specific group of people that is going to see my posts, I have not once seen anyone do this. To be clear, I’m certain it happens. I know that tons of you reading this have seen it happen yourselves, probably on your own newsfeed. And I know I’m sarcastic a lot online, but this one is real, guys. Just because I don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. And if you see it happening among your Facebook friends and it offends your conscience, then I urge you to not ignore said conscience, but rather to speak to your audience about it. As for me, communicating such sentiments on Facebook specifically would be the online equivalent of shouting into an empty room.

So let’s wrap this up – My posts are intended to address one specific issue that plagues my particular audience: the grotesque perversion of a faith that is incredibly important to me by those who are “holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power.” (2 Tim. 3:5a) I don’t stress when people who don’t share my faith take jabs at it. I can understand that. What I will not stand for, however, is people who claim to share my faith, who claim to study and value its scriptures, abusing it for political ends and sacrificing their consciences on the altar of partisan politics. It’s sickening, it’s enraging, and though I don’t take many things personally, this is one place where I draw the line. I’m not voting for Hillary. I’m not telling anyone else to do so. Maybe you disagree with that, maybe you don’t. Whoever you are, whatever you think, let’s get coffee and talk about it. But at least understand that you don’t have to hop on the comment thread of everything I post to remind me about emails, Benghazi, her treatment of Bill’s accusers/victims, and the fact that she’s probably some kind of lizard-person from space in league with Beyoncé and the disembodied head of Walt Disney. I get it. Neither of us wants Hillary in office; this is something that we have in common. I will not and never have downplayed her many failings, and I speak of Trump’s more often on Facebook for a specific purpose, one which I hope I’ve communicated effectively here. Thanks for actually taking the time to read this; effective communication is important, especially in today’s cultural climate. Later, friend.

neither-one

 

 

The Trump-scuse Scavenger Hunt!

Here’s a fun little Facebook game; I call it “The Trump-scuse Scavenger Hunt!” Scroll through your Facebook feed and look for the following infantile non-rebuttals to the latest Trump scandal (bonus points if it’s from a professing Christian):
 
– “That was [x number of] years ago! I have literally no evidence to suggest that he’s changed even a little since then, but I sure WANT to believe he has, so that’s what I’ve decided I believe now!”
 
– “That’s not what he meant at all! You’re letting the media spin your perception of this, even if you watched/listened to the raw, unedited recording devoid of commentary and drew your own conclusions, somehow this is the media’s fault! Because Donald said I couldn’t trust them, that’s why.”
 
– “We’re electing a national leader, not a Sunday school teacher! Back in the early 2000s when I lauded George W. Bush for his Christian faith and moral fortitude? Just messing around! That time I found Bill Clinton’s infidelities and moral failings to be so odious that he ought to be removed from office? Just a gag, man! None of that matters anymore!”
 
– “Hilary is no better! And as we all know, when faced with the choice to support (in both words and action) one of two individuals I find corrupt, repugnant, and unfit to lead, the only morally justified course of action is to suspend my convictions entirely and align myself with the one who’s the angriest at whoever I’m also angry at. Sure, my faith is important, but this is more important! Jesus forgave Peter for denying him three times; I should be able to get away with just the one, right?”
 
– “He never said that. What recording? That’s not true. Nope. You didn’t hear it with your own ears. You’re talking nonsense here, dude. Never happened.”
 
Find them all and win our fabulous prize package: complete loss of faith in your fellow humans, a creeping sense of existential dread lurking always at the back of your mind, and a brand new Blendermatic 7000, now available from The Sharper Image.

Simplistick #4

13271444_10209130788046615_673787282_o

Ignore the facts that A) It’s super-unclear that this is two different panels, B) no one has ever named an event simply “Feminism Rally,” and C) the lady speaking seems to grow hair exclusively on the top of her head. I kinda had to focus all my brain power on trying to draw an at least somewhat recognizable version of The Thing, so hopefully you’ll give me a pass here. I am bad at drawing.

Simplistick #1

Tan Options

This bears some explaining. I tend to think visually, so when something about life or the way we use language strikes me as funny, it’s because it has caused me to picture something bizarre or silly. Wanting to share these images, but being in no way inclined toward the visual arts, I really only have a couple of options: on one hand, I could use a bunch of words to describe what I’m picturing, but my wife has assured me that this option is to laughter what the current U.S. presidential election is to optimism and faith in the inherent goodness of mankind at large. This leaves me with the second option: concentrate real hard and sketch out an approximation of what I find so dang funny with some simplistic stick figures. So, to make that last sentence less awkwardly repetitive at the end there, I’ve elected to name this (very loosely defined) webcomic “Simplistick.” The first five are a backlog, and will thus come in pretty regular succession. After that, all bets are off. Here we go.

The Old Man and the C:\ Drive

An old man sat in his living room, a roaring fire to his right and four of his grandchildren seated on the floor in front of him. “I remember,” the elder wistfully intoned as he leaned back in his gently humming hover-recliner, new from Hammacher Schlemmer and now available at a Sharper Image store near you, “I remember when, if you wanted to play a video game on your PC, ya had to go to the store and buy a disc, sometimes two. DLC was called ‘expansion packs’ back then,” he continued, as his grandchildren just sat there vaping because apparently that nonsense sticks around for a while, “and ya had to go out and buy those on discs, too. Microtransactions were called ‘cheat codes,’ and they were free. And if you wanted to shout unoriginal obscenities and nonsensical racial slurs at other players online, ya had to type it. With your hands!”

“But grandpa,” piped up his grandson, Tyrion Tumblrpage, exhaling just the hugest vape-cloud, you don’t even know, bro. “What about ethics in video game journ-” A muted “thud” sounded as Tyrion was cut off by a vicious running knee from his grandpa, one he never saw coming.

“Sorry, kid,” said the old man as he helped the child sit back up and collect his teeth, “instinct kinda took over for a second there.” Easing back down into his chair, the man folded his hands and let out a deep sigh. “Anyway,” he continued, “you’ve heard me talk about this a thousand times, I’m sure, so I’ll stop boring you all. Pass me the remote, will ya? I wanna see how Deflategate’s goin’.”

**Epilogue**
The old man turned his gaze to the television, raising the remote and changing the channel, only to find a blank screen bearing a simple message in a large, golden font: “By order of Supreme Classy Leader With Huge Hands Who Everybody Loves Donald Trump, the NFL has been disbanded, to be replaced with the return of the XFL. Stay tuned for infomercials for steak and bottled water.”

Trump and “Christians”

BibleTrump

A great number of people in this country who insist on labeling themselves as “Christians” have finally confirmed something I’ve suspected for a while now:

They’re faking it.

Why do I say that? Because the same people who wanted Bill Clinton booted from office for his infidelity have thrown in their lot with a twice-divorced, unapologetic, serial adulterer.

Because they ignore candidates who talk of working with their enemies toward the common good of the people who live in this country in favor of a guy who refuses to engage in civil discussion and instead goes straight to hurling insults a 5th-grader would find immature.

Because they have put their vocal support behind a crass racist who unironically quotes Benito Mussolini and talks in circles when asked if he will disavow the KKK (oddly enough, just before Super Tuesday). THE ACTUAL KKK.

Because, if they ever took a second to read the book of Proverbs (ya know, the one right near the middle of the book they claim to believe is the inspired and holy word of an omnipotent, loving creator), they would notice that just about every time it uses the word “fool” to describe someone you should avoid becoming, the descriptions of said fool fit Donald Trump almost eerily well.

Because the willful ignorance of scripture and theology that so many “Christians” have entrenched themselves in has gotten us to the point where the label of Christianity has become a foxhole for spiteful, bitter fools to scurry into, hoping it will mask the hate and darkness in their own hearts.

So I’ve got a request for those people: could you please start being honest with yourselves? Could you please just come out and admit that the driving forces behind your voting choices and political opinions are your own comfort and prejudices, and that it has nothing to do with what’s right, nothing to do with the Bible, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with Jesus? Because there are some of us out here who have actually read the Book and treat it like it means something. Because some of us are actually trying to model our lives on Jesus’. Because some of us are actually Christians, and we’re getting REAL tired of the rest of you slapping that label on yourselves and using it as a reason to vote for a self-aggrandizing pathological liar who doesn’t even know how to say 2 Corinthians right.

Or maybe there’s a better option.

Maybe we could do some introspection. I get it, we all have parts of ourselves that we’re terrified to confront. Prejudices, bitterness, rage, it’s all very uncomfortable to think about. But if you’re old enough to legally vote, that makes you an adult, and adults confront their problems, even internal ones, and we DEAL WITH THEM. That’s the only way we can grow as people. So if you support Trump and call yourself a “Christian,” take a second to really, honestly think about the yuuuuge disconnect between those two things. Take a second to ask yourself why you REALLY support Trump. And if it’s because “he says what’s on everyone’s mind,” honestly take a second to ask yourself:

Is my heart like Jesus’, or is it like Trump’s?

Because frankly, it can’t be both.

Batman V. Superman Review (NO Spoilers)

Bats v Supes

Alright, so after taking a couple of days to let the movie kind of sit in my brain a bit, here are my thoughts on Batman v. Superman Dawn of Justice. We’ll start on the positive side.

*The Good*
As usual, Zack Snyder has crafted something here that is beautiful to look at. A number of the shots had me thinking I was looking at a moving comic book panel (something also done well by, oddly enough, Netflix’s Daredevil. And thus the snake consumes its own tail). If the man does one thing well, it’s design. Everything in this movie looks awesome, and this applies especially to anything bat-related. The Batcave, Batman’s costume, Batman’s other costume, Batman’s OTHER other costume, his weapons, the Batmobile, all of it. Everything about Batman is great, and that includes our man Ben’s performance, o ye of little faith. He’s intense, he’s brutal, and he finally does some solid detective work. Yeah, remember when he used to be billed as “the world’s greatest detective?” That element is blended darn near seamlessly with what is, I would venture to say, some of the best Batman action scenes ever put to film. Quick warning though: you can’t go into this with the silly idea that Batman has some kind of no-kill policy. If you know even a little about Batman’s history, you know that that whole notion is really a fairly recent invention and that, over the course of his illustrious bat-career, Bruce has racked up a body count higher than some third-world dictators. So be ready, because he definitely ends some dudes.

Beyond Batman (heh) and the visual spectacle of the whole thing, I also really liked Wonder Woman. She has very few lines and fairly limited screen time, but I still felt like I had learned a surprising amount about her character by the end.

*The Really-Not-So-Good*
As it pertains to characters, many of their motivations were left pretty foggy. Like, I have a general idea of why most characters are doing what they’re doing, but for the most part their motivations really aren’t explored in much significant depth at all, Superman and Wonder Woman being notable exceptions. Story-wise, this film felt a little jumbled. If you saw Watchmen, you’ll have a feel for what I’m talking about: seemingly random instances of non-linear narrative, abrupt and strange editing, dream/vision/flashback(???) sequences with pretty much no warning, and just a lot of moments that left me sitting there going, “Ok, so…but, like…what?” Don’t get me wrong, I love unreliable narrator style movies where you’re never quite sure if what you’re seeing is real, but the tone of this movie doesn’t really allow for that, and plus: it’s a movie in which Batman fights Superman. I don’t need that cerebral nonsense in this movie, Zack. But maybe that’s just me. And speaking of…

*Stuff I Liked That You May Or May Not Like*
This movie was not made for the general public. This movie was made for fans, for people who were into the comic books and cartoons growing up. This movie is for nerds, guys, and that shows in all the Justice League setup bits. It’s fitting that this movie came out when it did, because holy easter eggs, Batman; at the introduction of [REDACTED], as well as [REDACTED] and [REDACTED], I got all kinds of giddy, I’m not gonna lie. I also appreciated the nods to possible future villains. This franchise may, optimistically, have a bright future ahead of it (not literally, of course; nothing in these movies is bright in a literal sense). Lastly, I’m just gonna come right out and say it: I liked Eisenberg’s manic, obnoxious Lex. He’s still deeply sinister and clearly just barely containing a simmering psychopathic rage, and I felt that his annoying awkwardness actually worked well as an element of this villain. He’s a very new kind of Luthor, but give the guy a chance; you may actually end up enjoying yourself.

*Final Verdict*
It’s aggressively alright. I tend to view movies as existing on two different spectrums: the awesome/lame spectrum and the good/bad spectrum. For example, The English Patient is very good but pretty lame, the Transformers movies are kinda awesome but no good at all, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy is both good and awesome. That being said, here’s about where this movie falls on both those spectrums:

Lame———————|–Awesome
Bad—-|———————-Good

TL;DR: Tons of fun while simultaneously being deeply flawed on a couple of levels. Batman is awesome in every way possible and, fittingly, easter eggs abound. See above scale. Worth seeing in theaters once.